A dumb disciple again (lessons from 4 12)

It’s the day after now and I am mulling over the events of this week (while I bath and clean the house and other such domestic necessaries). I’m reflecting on the words that I heard at the conference, the ones which were communicated over the big sound system and also the words which were spoken quietly into my heart when the massive crowd became so still that I could just about hear my heartbeat. It’s encouraging how much God speaks when we give him a week of our fast-paced lives and really pay attention to what he is saying.

I am dumb-struck again by the gospel message. It’s so awe-inspiring and simple, and yet at the same time terrifying and challenging! I feel like a dumb disciple again. That awkward moment when Jesus says, “Get behind me Satan, you do not have the things of God in mind.” Just when things seem to be going according to plan, you know? Jesus is getting famous and we’re about to storm the Romans and take over the kingdom, right? Wrong!

Somewhere during the week the penny dropped and I was powerfully reminded that if I set out following Jesus with a definite idea of what the end of the journey is going to look like (like Peter did), I’m going to miss it. I’m going to miss the beauty and the wonder of God’s journey for me. Worse still, I’ll miss Him! He is not on the straight, triple carriageway which you can plug into your GPS and drive with cruise control and one arm out of the window. Did you ever realise that “Even the dreams must die”? I heard these words spoken only once out loud from the front but I swear they reverberated for an eternity in my head afterwards. I instantly knew them to be true because I have experienced it. Our dreams subtly become the "destination" of our lives, but they should not be. Far from it!  Even the dreams which God gives us must die before he can fulfill them. Ha! The early disciples never knew what to expect, and neither should we.

The truth that really lodged in my brain this week was that the kingdom is all about proximity. Proximity to Jesus. That’s what it’s all about. It’s not about receiving ministries or dreams fulfilled, it’s about being close to Jesus. That is our reward. You see it everywhere in the Bible. It’s the temple priest who sings, “I’d rather be a door keeper in the temple of God than anywhere else in the world.” It’s Jesus’ disciples who suffered such terrible abuses in their lives but yet considered these to be a trifle compared with the joy of walking close to Him and sharing in his adventures. It’s Paul who said that he considered everything a loss compared to knowing Christ Jesus. And so it’s God’s presence with us now, his Holy Spirit, and it’s the promise of future Glory with Him that is our reward and joy and daily motivation.

And that is the awe-inspiring, simple and yet terrifying message of Christ, he says, “Yeah, you can leave the crowd and be in my intimate circle of friends for sure! But you will need to leave your boring life behind, all of it. You can come and join me in my adventures and be a part of my conquering army, but know that you won’t be allowed to settle or get comfortable along the way. Our journey will take us through dark valleys and we will face terrifying giants. You are going to die just like I did, that is a certainty. But I will raise you to life again and I will be your reward.”