Level 6 load-shedding: will my heart pass the test?

South Africans are famous as a nation for our resilience, for our gallows humor, for our ‘vas-byt’ mentality.

I am by nature quite optimistic about the future of our country but as of December 2022, my enduring South African laugh-in-the-face-of-danger spirit was broken.

For the first time I experienced 8 hours with no electricity. In one day. In my mind a death knell rang out, the beginning of the end. To my mind, there is no hopeful future in SA without electricity, inverter or no inverter.

I am not writing this to preach at anyone, I am externally processing what I am feeling - with you, and with God.

The reason for my natural optimism about South Africa is because our history is peppered with miracles. The most indelible moment which epitomizes the miracle of South Africa for me is the moment when Nelson Mandela appeared at the 95 world cup finals and shared in the victory of the Springbok team wearing the green and gold.

So often, the almost inevitable impeding doom facing us just never materialized, inexplicably. So will God hear our prayers again and turn the lights back on? Will the miracle-nation dodge another bullet? I don’t know. I pray that we will. At the same time, I have a moment to reflect.

Why do I choose to live in this country? There is a good answer to this question, but there is also a weak answer that will not endure the tests.  

The wrong reason to live in SA

I love living in South Africa. South Africa is an easy country for me to love, especially when you have visited around the world a bit. It’s always a joy to come back home, warts and all.

When thinking about the massive challenges we face as a nation, it’s tempting to down-play all the risks and dangers and take a ‘glass half-full’ approach, resort to cheap platitudes like: ‘Yes we have our problems, but every country has its challenges’, ‘Yes the crime-rate is high in SA, but there’s crime wherever you go in the world’, ‘Yes the energy crisis seems to be getting worse, but at least I’m off the grid now, so I'll be ok’.

There is nothing wrong with having a positive attitude, or loving South Africa. I guess the question is, though, Why do I choose to live here? If the primary reason I choose to live in South Africa is because I like it here, because I prefer this place to other places, that is the wrong reason.

The right reason

As a follower of Christ, I am obedient to his voice, I go where he sends me, I live where he tells me. This is the crux.

The energy crisis is a reality check. Where I have subconsciously been allowing my personal preferences to dictate where I live, the unpleasantness is forcing me to examine my motives. Level 2 was inconvenient; level 6 is untenable.

When there is poo lapping in the waves of my favorite beach, when I can’t get things done because local service providers are ‘Closed for loadshedding’, when small businesses go under because they can’t afford to ‘go off the grid’, when my international business partners want to switch service providers because I’m always ‘Waiting for the power to come back on’, when the down-turn of the economy inhibits my standard of living, when I can't get to work because the traffic lights are off, all of the day-to-day frustrations catch-up with me and I am forced to see through the platitudes. My bubble is burst. I can no longer retreat to my refuge of ‘Ya it is inconvenient but at least I’ll be ok.’

I’m grateful for the ‘South African miracle’ but what if God didn’t? What if he doesn’t? Will I still choose to live where God places me, or will I go where I can enjoy a better standard of living and be comfortable?

What is really in my heart?

Submission to Christ is not really a reality until he asks me to do something I don’t want to do. Up until this point, there have been more ‘pros’ to living in SA for me than ‘cons’. That may change soon. Then what will I do? Will I obey God’s will for my life or will I move somewhere more comfortable and justify my decision with spiritual-sounding language?

That maybe doesn’t sound like such a big deal, but actually it is.

Jesus said to those who want to be his disciples, ‘Deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me.’

Church history tells us that the early disciples cast lots for which nation they would take the Gospel to. Paul went to Jerusalem despite being told in prophecy that he would be arrested if he went back there. Jesus returned to Jerusalem despite knowing that they would crucify him there.

Jesus said, ‘Seek first my kingdom and my righteousness and I will provide you with everything you need.’ If we are not following God’s will for our lives, are we truly his disciples? No, we are not. No, I am not. And if I am following God's will, he says that he will provide for me, so I need not worry.

As I contemplate a rather different looking future in SA, I wrestle with my heart. I have fears. I have anger. I am looking for the exits. I feel the Spirit draw me back to the way of Christ. I choose faith not fear. I choose grace not bitterness. I turn my face toward Christ not escape. And yes, I pray for another South African miracle. But even if he doesn’t, I will follow Christ wherever he leads me.