What Makes a Man Marriage Material?

We live in an era in which godly masculinity and femininity have been undermined so much that many people are left wondering what to look for in a potential spouse. More than that, maybe you have had bad examples of marriage in your life and these experiences have left scars. What does a godly marriage even look like anyway? All these issues can make choosing a marriage partner a rather daunting prospect.

When considering a potential partner there are so many things we think about – Are our personalities compatible? Do we have common interests? Do we have chemistry? Are our career paths compatible with each other? With so many factors to consider, it is easy to lose perspective of the most important considerations and we can end up making crucial decisions rather haphazardly. So if we have a healthy, godly marriage as an end goal, what are the most important characteristics to look for in a potential husband?

A passionate worshipper of God

There are many people who go by the title of “Christian” but a genuine God-worshipper is easy to spot. How can they be identified? Well, how do you tell when a man is passionate about rugby or surfing or anything else? They enjoy it, they talk about it, they prioritize it. They bubble over with their passion for it. When it comes to marriage, you want a guy who’s biggest passion is Christ and his kingdom. There could be nothing more painful, nothing more pathetic than being married to a guy who is constantly pursuing meaningless, trivial things, and going down one rabbit-trail after the next. Guys tend to get what they go after. If it’s God he’s after, he’s a keeper.

A good leader

Probably one of the most fundamentally important aspects implicit in the question 'What makes a man marriage material?' has to do with the role of a husband within marriage. If a man's responsibility is to bring a Christ-centered vision to his family and to lead his wife into that vision (and it is), then his ability to lead well is absolutely crucial. 

But how can you tell if he is a good leader? To answer that question ask another question, ‘Does he lead himself well?’ Does his life have direction and purpose, or does he always seem to be on another tangent? Does he pursue the things of Christ consistently or does he blow hot and cold? Does he make a lot of excuses for why he is not doing the things which he knows he really should be? Does he keep changing jobs? Does he have a job? Would you describe him as a man who takes responsibility for the things he cherishes most? If every person in your church walked out their faith like he did, would your church be a healthy church?

A man under authority

This relates to the previous point. If he is going to lead you, who is leading him? To be in authority but not accountable to any man is a very dangerous thing. One of God’s safety measures against abuse of authority is accountability to a higher authority. Men have a tendency toward independence and kicking against authority which they need to wrestle with and overcome. Don’t marry a maverick! There is safety in healthy community and genuine accountability. If these things are not being lived out in his life then he cannot be a safe place for you.

A teachable man

It takes a community to make a healthy marriage. If you both try and ‘figure marriage out” on your own you will have many painful years of banging heads. It is as we grow into the image of Christ as individuals that our marriage gets more and more healthy and peaceful. The minute we stop growing in maturity as individuals is the moment our marriage will stagnate. But in order to grow we need to be humble and willing to learn. We need to accept when people point out our faults and learn from our mistakes. Learning and growing requires that I be humble and teachable. An arrogant and obstinate husband will cause you untold heartache and pain. So, how does he respond when he gets corrected?

A kind man

This may seem like an arbitrary point but I make it because men don’t naturally tend toward kindness and gentleness the way that women often do. If he is gentle and kind he has probably been spending time with Jesus. This is doubly important because a man who is harsh and impatient can be very intimidating and destructive for a woman in a marriage relationship.

As a man myself I confess that I do not embody all of these qualities all of the time! But I strive to be this kind of man and I am growing in these qualities more and more. I’m not the man I want to be but I’m definitely not the man that I used to be! There are times when I fail and I do things and say things which are irresponsible, rebellious, prideful, selfish and unkind. Having said that, this is not the general pattern of my life. I think it is important to make this distinction. The most you can trust for in a marriage partner is someone who is growing in the right direction. Someone who is demonstrably committed to the process of being transformed into the image of Christ.  A man who is marriage material is not a man who never fails but a main who has properly surrendered to Christ in these areas and has proven himself to be trustworthy over time