Still waiting

On several occasions (which I remember distinctly) I have been accused of being “extroverted”. I’m not sure what prompted these vicious rumours, perhaps it is my persistent “what are you up to tonight?” messages to my friends, or the way my demeanor can transform from a state of semi-comatose into a buzz of quips, jibes and hearty laughs when I am around good friends. Whatever the cause, it is an allegation which I have and will always categorically deny. I may be prone to certain “extroverted tendencies”, but that is all that I am willing to concede. Those who know me best know that my best thinking is done in my lounge, usually engrossed in a study (conducted on my laptop) with a few resource material dotted around the floor. It is true that these solitary reclusions are punctuated by frequent facebook breaks and “what are you up to tonight?” messages to friends, but on the whole these long periods of reflection and study, I feel, place me firmly in the camp of the deeply profound introverts.

I think that (secretly) we all wish we were islands that could exist without any need for other people. Imagine a life in which we never had to risk disappointment from friends, family, colleagues or lovers? We would be practically immune from hurt or loss, what a wonderful prospect! But try as we might (and trust me, I have tried) we can never escape the God-given reality that we need people. I say it is God given because he made us to need others, it is a built-in “weakness”.  We are made in the image of God who is by nature a social being living in perfect harmony and communion within the trinity.

I have never been a happy bachelor. I don’t relate to those foot-loose, independent-minded old bachelors whose houses are pristinely kept and can by now cook better than a 50-year-old version of Jamie Oliver. The single life is like paddling out into the waves on your own. The prospect of having all those curling beauties to yourself is so tantalizing. But paddling into a gem and having the ride of your life, the fist pump, the elation, only to look around for someone to share the stoke with and finding no one is so... less than ideal. I mean, its still fun, it’s just not as good as it should be. I think that life, like surfing, is supposed to be enjoyed with good company.

Single life is waiting. Waiting, looking, and then waiting some more. Maybe I’m being too honest. I surprised myself the other day when I noticed this feeling had vanished. I came back from a party and I was surprised to notice that I was at peace inside. It was a strange, previously unknown, contentment. I had gone to the party and enjoyed myself. No worries. I hadn’t been secretly searching through the faces, looking for someone who might be that special someone for me. I hadn’t walked in subconsciously asking, ‘I wonder if she’s here?’ That’s because I have already found my special someone. The searching is over for me.

I have a point to all of this. I believe God leaves these little life-pictures all around us to help us understand the spiritual journey that we are on. They are everywhere. From the very basic - a father and a son, to the more complex - a husband and a wife. From the father and the baby boy we learn how helpless we are in the face of the big bad world, how desperately we need a protector, a provider, a teacher. From the husband and the wife we learn that before the joyful union, there will be many years of restless searching, waiting, looking.

I think I speak for everyone who at some time in their developing mind began to subconsciously look for something. Something like a missing piece that holds it all together. Our constant searching makes us restless and keeps us unsatisfied. Later we learn that “something” is called God. When we find him we find a deep contentment. The restless dis-ease is replaced by a peace that we never even knew was normal. All of this I knew, but only recently I discovered that there is more to the story…

So now I’ve found the girl, and we are engaged to be married. Wonderful! It’s exciting and it’s so much fun, and yet… The more time we spend with each other the closer we get, but also the more frustrated we get by the constraints which allow us to get just close enough to know how badly we want what we cannot yet have. At the end of every great evening spent together, the goodbyes get more agonizing. Why must we leave?! We belong together!

Have you noticed that life with Christ is like that? We get just close enough to him to taste what heaven is like: the love, the joy, the peace, the ecstasy, and then we get a jolt back to the real world, our daily, painful, stressful lives, and witness unspeakable tragedies around us. It’s not ideal, it’s not how things with him are supposed to be. We have security and peace, but there’s more.

I know that marriage is going to be the fulfilment and the crowning culmination of one very long and restless wait. Yet I know that it’s only on that day, when I finally meet up with my king in the sky who is so patiently waiting for me that all my tears will be wiped away and I will truly be – at home. Eternal rest will only fully be found when we come home to Jesus. What we have now is a deposit, a ring, a promise of future bliss. We have moments and glimpses of what heaven with Jesus will be like. In those moments we are satisfied but then we are left feeling strangely hungry for more. We are betrothed to Christ and so we ready ourselves for marriage with the excitement of an impatient fiancé. We count down the days. Waiting…